


What Happened Between Then And Now?

by moodwriter



Category: Adam Lambert (Musician)
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, Friends to Lovers, Multi, Romance, Threesome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-27
Updated: 2012-09-27
Packaged: 2017-11-15 03:31:17
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/522667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moodwriter/pseuds/moodwriter
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Three can be an even number if all the parts complete each other.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What Happened Between Then And Now?

**Author's Note:**

>   
>  Art by the lovely [Michira_70/@VoodooDoll70](http://michira-70.livejournal.com/101485.html)
> 
> This was a part of the awesome [TJRBB](http://tjrbigbang.livejournal.com/)! Others will start posting their fics soon! Yay!

Tommy would’ve never guessed that one day he would be sitting at Adam’s dining table, talking about threesome relationships with Sauli. 

It’s been a long day and an even longer night. Adam invited everyone over to celebrate his mini-vacation and successful gigs and life and boyfriend and love and stars and... Adam is a little crazy. 

Tommy is drunk, and so is Sauli, and Adam has already passed out. He’s sleeping on the sofa, wearing only a long black skirt and his skull socks. Tommy remembers how Adam looked before he fell over and started snoring, remembers the smudged makeup and the freckles and his toned abdomen. Sauli has kept him working out, and all those juices have done him a world of good. 

Maybe he should start juicing too. 

“You’re not listening,” Sauli says, pouting. 

He’s not listening because Sauli is talking nonsense. “I’m not awake enough,” he lies, taking a sip from his tea. 

It’s barely dark outside even though it’s three AM and the world is quiet. The sky is free of clouds, and the porch light is on so maybe that’s why it doesn’t seem like it’s night time.

“I’m asking you questions.” Sauli kicks his shin under the table, more playful than anything. “Normally friends answer. I wanna know.” 

Tommy bites his lip. Good God, Sauli can be persistent when he’s drunk. “I’ve never even thought about it. Too much hassle. Do you have any idea how much trouble one woman can be, let alone two?”

Sauli quirks an eyebrow. “Really?”

He grins. “You’re lucky. He’s a lot less high-maintenance.” 

“Hah!” Sauli grabs one of the left-over lemon slices that they used for shots and bites down, the fluid sliding down his chin. “He’s trouble, you know that,” he says once he’s finished eating the fruit. 

Yeah, he knows that. Adam is sweet, but he’s also difficult, and it requires some skill to get along with him on a daily basis. Sauli is very good at handling him, but it seems even he has some problems. “What is it?” 

“Nothing big,” Sauli says quietly, resting his cheek against the table. 

Tommy pokes at the top of his head. “Don’t fall asleep.”

“Won’t,” Sauli mutters, sounding a bit sad. 

“Hey, you can tell me.” He shouldn’t get worried, but he can’t help it. These two are among his best friends. He doesn’t even want to think about the possibility that one day they wouldn’t all be sitting under the same roof, laughing. He wants to keep the whole family together, and sometimes he feels like it’s an impossible job. People have needs that aren’t met, and then they leave, and he can’t deal with that at all, and he blurts out, “Don’t leave!”

Sauli lifts his head up, surprised. He’s about to say something, then sees the look on Tommy’s face and grabs his hand, “Hey, hey, I’m not going anywhere. No, okay. Wrong thought-direction.”

Tommy sighs. He fucking hates that insecure little boy inside him who just can’t deal with abandonment at all, and he knows everyone can leave, and so many have... and still he falls head over heels with everyone he meets and doesn’t want to let go of them. He holds onto Sauli’s hand, hard. “Okay.” He means to say he believes Sauli, but for some reason he can’t. 

“It’s just... We both have a lot of extra energy, but sometimes... there’s no balance. We’re so driven. And sometimes I just want to be. I don’t know.”

“Are you seriously thinking of adding a third person in your relationship? He’s all for monogamy.” 

Sauli sighs. “I’m not seriously thinking of anything.”

“Good.”

“Don’t judge.”

“I’m not judging. I just don’t want... I want you guys to be happy. I don’t see anyone else making you happier.”

Sauli leans over the table, and touches his cheek with his free hand. “Of course you don’t.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing.” 

And that’s it. Sauli doesn’t bring it up for a while. They travel the world together, see Japan and Australia again, Adam so busy he barely has time for any of them. He always arranges time for Sauli, though, and Tommy is secretly pleased. 

Sometimes Tommy frets over the tiniest things, but seeing Adam smiling like he could light the whole world on fire with that smile makes him a bit more relaxed, especially when he can see that smile mirrored on Sauli’s face.

One drunken night in Sydney, he confesses to Isaac that a tiny part of him dies every time someone close to him leaves. He hates arguing. He hates conflict. And he doesn’t understand why people get so easily upset.

And all this worrying is here right now because Sauli said he’s not happy. Even if he didn’t use those words it was how Tommy’s over-worrying mind chose to interpret it. 

He’s not this person. He usually doesn’t go quite this overboard with worrying, but he hasn’t said a word to Adam about the conversation, and that bothers him. It’s not his place to say anything, and he might even create a negative ripple in their relationship. 

Isaac pats his head, and says, “You’re cute.”

He’s not cute. He’s upset. 

After that he stomps up to Adam and Sauli’s floor and stands in front of their hotel room door like a total fool. 

He knocks after four minutes of staring at the unchanging surface of the door. 

There’s no answer. 

He knocks again and then thinks about all the things those two could be doing. He’s way too drunk to be here right now. He’s not making wise decisions. 

Adam opens the door, leaning against the frame, blocking the view of the room. He looks mellow, happy, relaxed, and Tommy lets out a long breath. “What is it, baby?”

He clearly wanted to say something to them, but now he has no idea what that was. “Don’t ever break up,” he blurts, then nearly swallows his tongue because he tries to pull those words back. Is he stupid or what? 

Adam’s face melts into a sweet smile, his blue eyes so warm Tommy has never seen anything like it. He takes a step closer to Adam out of pure instinct. “Awwwww...”

Tommy blushes, hides behind his hair, then tries to take a step back, but Adam grabs his elbow. “Don’t go. Come in.”

That feels like a bad idea, but he lets Adam pull him in anyway. 

Sauli is nowhere to be seen, but then he notices the open balcony door. Sauli is lying on a lounge chair, mostly naked, a towel covering his strategic parts. 

Such a bad idea. They’re up to something, and Tommy is intruding. 

“He fell asleep,” Adam explains and goes to make a drink for himself, or so Tommy thinks until Adam hands it to him. 

He takes it with unsteady hands. He has no reason to be nervous, but he feels like things are changing, and he hates change. 

“So what’s up?” Adam asks, sitting on the bed, patting the place beside him. 

Instead of sitting next to Adam, he leans against the table under which the minibar is. “Nothing. Everything.”

Adam smiles. “That’s a beginning.”

Tommy smiles back, despite how awful he feels. “Is he happy?”

Adam looks shocked, then thinks about the question before answering, “He says so. He feels so.”

“Okay.” He sighs. “Good.”

“Why?” Now Adam is curious.

“Everything that’s happened with Monte and Cam and my family and you know... I want some things to stay as they are. Something solid. Something... Just keep each other happy, okay? Don’t let anything mess with your heads. I know it’s selfish of me. I know, okay. But I... like him.” He pushes himself off the table, looks outside, then back at Adam. “Please... Listen to him.”

Adam gets up, just comes to him and hugs him, pulls his head under his chin, and holds him there. “Too many losses?” 

“Yeah,” he mutters, wrapping his arms around Adam’s middle, his glass still in his hand, untouched. “And he feels overwhelmed sometimes. Let him unwind it somehow.”

“Are you worried?” 

He knows Adam trusts his instincts, and he curses his big mouth. “Not as such. I’m agitated. Change is coming, and you know how much I enjoy that.”

“What kind of change?” Adam asks softly, petting his hair, and it feels so good. 

“How should I know? I’d be making a fortune if I did.” 

Adam laughs, then kisses his temple. “Wanna stay for a while?”

Tommy knows he should leave. He’s still intruding, but he doesn’t want to be alone, so he nods. Adam sits him down on the bed, goes to put some music on, then visits Sauli on the balcony. They have a whispered conversation, and that makes Tommy even more anxious. Maybe Sauli doesn’t want to have him there, and he’s telling Adam that right now. 

When Adam comes back he’s all smiles, and that joyful look isn’t hiding anything. Sauli doesn’t seem to mind, and like clockwork, he’s right behind Adam, the towel wrapped around his waist. “Hi there,” he says. “I need to go wash off all the sunscreen. Make yourself comfortable. I voted for Mad Men, but Adam wants to watch something else. Your vote is the final word.”

They end up watching some random horror movie Tommy picked, and Adam hides his face in Sauli’s neck most of the movie. He claims he’s too tired, but Sauli and Tommy exchange knowing looks. Yeah, right. 

Adam is lying in the middle, and Tommy tries not to be too close to him, but Adam is like a homing beacon to him. As the time goes by he also leans closer until finally his side is touching Adam. At some point Adam turns on his back, his face now closer to Sauli’s shoulder than his neck, and Tommy practically leans against Adam’s side. 

He’s still drunk, but not drunk enough not to realize what he’s doing. He’s getting back to his old habits. It always happens around Adam. He stays away, and then he comes back because he has to. He just likes Adam’s everything. It’s so comfortable to be close to him. 

Tommy moves his right hand a little because it’s gotten numb, and when he has nowhere to put it he lets his elbow rest on Adam’s stomach, his hand close to Adam’s hip. 

He’s aware of Adam like he’s never been before, and it shouldn’t be like this. He should be able to relax. It should be totally harmless. But he keeps thinking about Sauli lying on the other side of Adam, and he can’t let go of the odd feeling he’s been having since the conversation with Sauli. 

He fidgets until Sauli finger-walks over Adam’s stomach and captures his hand. Then he’s just stiff because Sauli doesn’t let go, his thumb stroking Tommy’s hand. 

This is maybe the weirdest movie night Tommy has ever had with anyone. 

When the movie is over he makes a move to get up, but Sauli doesn’t let go. He turns to look at Sauli, then Adam, totally unsure of their intentions. Sauli says, “Stay.” and his heart stops beating. 

Adam gathers him closer, just pulls him near, and he goes without a fight. They lie like that for a long while, not saying a word, and finally he starts to relax a little. 

He falls asleep, wakes up a few times during the night to wonder where the hell he is, and then lets Adam and Sauli’s sleeping figures soothe him back to sleep. 

In the morning, Tommy wakes up to a hand under his shirt, fingers tickling his skin, and he almost jumps off the bed. Then he realizes he's the one in the middle, and there's a heavy leg on top of his, and two very warm bodies hugging close to him. 

Tommy tries to calm down because this is nothing bad. They are friends. Friends do things like this sometimes. Except it's Sauli's long fingers moving softly under his shirt, stroking his sensitive skin. 

He doesn't even know if Sauli is awake yet. He doesn't want to hurt his feelings. That thought makes him want to giggle, and he holds back the hysterical sound. Then Adam moves, pulls him between his thighs, so close Tommy can feel everything and escape nothing. Sauli follows, and soon he has them both cuddling him more than ever before, and this is a perfect time to panic. 

He sits up, pushes at Adam so he lets him get up, and Sauli, still very sleepy, brushes his fingers over Tommy's crotch before pulling his hand away, like he realizes what's happening. 

"Sorry," Sauli says, rubbing his eye with the hand that was moments ago under Tommy's shirt. 

"Don't be," he says, squeaky and scared. "I'm... going."

"Where?" Sauli asks, rising on his hands and knees. "You have a day off."

"Away. Somewhere else." He sounds confused. He fucking feels confused. 

Sauli looks hurt, and he wants to take back the words so badly. He can't. 

"Come back later," Adam says, moving out of the way, padding to the bathroom, barefoot and shirtless. 

Tommy tries to think of something to say, but nothing comes to his mind. He didn't mean to say anything awful, but Sauli looks like he destroyed his world. "I'm... sorry. Okay?" Tommy says, reaching out, but Sauli lies down, shuts him off, looking miserable. 

"No, I'm sorry. I'm crazy sometimes. I didn't think. I thought... Yeah, go if you must." Sauli turns his face in the other direction, and Tommy hesitates, then gets up, looking for his hoodie and shoes. 

"I like you," Sauli whispers. 

"I like you too." He stands there, useless. He doesn't want Sauli to feel bad. "Hey, it's okay. I'm okay. I just need to be alone. I'm like that."

He sees the quick smile, hears the softness in Sauli's voice when he says, "Tiedän. Sä oot niin ihana."

Tommy hates it when he does that, when he falls back to his own language and doesn't even realize it. Usually it's just adorable, but right now, he wishes he knew what Sauli is saying. He doesn't dare to ask, though. "I'm... I'll go now. All's fine."

Sauli nods, but Tommy knows nothing is fine. He hurt Sauli. That's not cool under any circumstances. 

He acts without thinking, leaning over the bed, leaning over Sauli, and kisses his forehead. They don't do things like that. It's not real. 

He leaves before Sauli can ask anything.

The next time anything happens it's two weeks after Australia. They've just had another gig, and they are out partying in a VIP lounge. The crowd is cool, and nobody is interested in them, and Tommy is drunk again. He's promised his dear mother that he'll stop drinking any time now. He hasn't yet, but he's trying. It's not easy with all the free booze that he encounters way too often.

He's drunk and so is Sauli, and they are sitting together in one armchair. Sauli is practically lying in his lap, grinning like a fool, sometimes throwing interesting tidbits into the conversation. Tommy's hands are around Sauli's waist to steady him, to keep him close, and Sauli is holding their drinks. It's really insane, and he wishes he knew how he always ends up in situations like this. He wants to be here, but at the same time, it's not cool at all. He's fondling Adam's boyfriend, and Adam doesn't seem to mind, and Tommy doesn't even know why this is happening. 

"I need to go to the bathroom," he says close to Sauli's ear, and Sauli hands both of the drinks to Adam who takes them without hesitation, and then Sauli crawls out of Tommy’s lap. 

When he heads to the bathroom Sauli follows him, saying that he needs to go too. Tommy hopes like hell there are stalls free because he can’t take a leak in front of Sauli, not now, not when he feels this terrible itch under his skin. He knows what’s going on, and yet, he doesn’t have a clue. It’s a terrible feeling. 

Sauli goes to one of the stalls as well so Tommy is free of the embarrassment of having to explain himself, and when they’re washing hands side by side, Sauli is joking about taking Tommy to the dance floor. They look at each other in the mirror, and Tommy realizes this was nothing, this wasn’t Sauli’s plot to get him alone, to get him into an embarrassing situation. He just had to go. 

Tommy wants to laugh because he’s being stupid. There’s nothing going on. He’s imagining everything. 

Except when they leave the bathroom, Sauli really pulls him onto the dance floor, and then he has a very hot and pliant body in his arms. They must look like a couple or at least one getting there fast because of the way Sauli moves. 

At one point, Tommy is sure Sauli is trying to make him hard. There’s no space between them, and Sauli is grinding against him, his hands in Tommy’s hair, his eyes far away, like he’s living and breathing the rhythm, feeling his way through the words. And he’s so, so gorgeous. 

Tommy feels a hand on his shoulder, a body behind him, and lips against his ear. “I’ll take him now,” Adam whispers in his ear, and he starts to shake, relief and jealousy moving violently through him. 

“Okay,” he says, letting go, but Adam stays there, behind him, moves with them for a while. He closes his eyes, just feeling, safe. 

When Adam moves behind Sauli there’s no doubt about how much trust there is between those two. Sauli leans into him immediately, melting, like he belongs there, and Adam puts his arms around him, holding him close, watching Tommy the whole time. 

He can’t stop staring, and he feels stupid standing there. He takes a step back, then sees Adam saying something. He can’t hear the words, but he guesses: _You can stay._

He hesitates, the music like a wall between them. He wants to reach out, but it seems like a foolish thing to do. Instead he takes another step back. 

Sauli opens his eyes, smiles wide, like he’s happy to see that Tommy is still there, and he holds out his hand.

He won’t hurt Sauli again by rejecting him, but he can’t promise anything but a dance. That dance seems to be enough, though, because when he takes Sauli’s hand it feels like good times and fond memories and nothing more. No demands. 

They dance, and it’s nothing like he’s ever experienced before. Sauli is between them, making content sounds, laughing and saying sweet things in Tommy’s ear, and Adam, Adam has his hand in Tommy’s hair, fingers twisting, and it feels so familiar and so strange at the same time. 

Sauli is hard against his thigh, but Tommy tries to ignore it, tries to believe that this is something other than what he knows it is. They want him, both of them. 

“Please come home with us,” Sauli says softly in his ear, and that almost knocks all the air out of his lungs. He’s playing with matches in a house made of hay. He’s so going to burn. Instead of saying anything he presses closer to Sauli, kissing his neck. Sauli gasps like he didn’t believe anything would happen, then his hands pull Tommy closer, closer, closer. And before he knows it they are kissing, and there’s nothing subtle about it. 

Adam’s fingers in his hair go tight, so tight it hurts, and for a second he fears he read them wrong, but no, Adam pulls Tommy out of the kiss because he wants to crush his mouth against Tommy’s. He’s so not ready for that, for anything, and he whimpers into Adam’s mouth, totally out of it, unable to make any kind of decisions. 

In the rental car, they act like adults, and Tommy has time to think. He can't do this. He can't do anything. He can't even think about what they are doing because it would mean something would change, and that change could be bad. It could lead to destruction. 

He stares ahead, hoping that he'll wake up from a dream. Sauli is sitting in the front, but he's turned in their direction, talking animatedly, trying to engage Tommy in the conversation. He doesn't even know what Sauli and Adam are talking about. 

Inside the house, they don't touch him. They don't ask anything from him, like it's any other night, like they just chose to come here after a party, like there's no hidden agenda. 

Tommy knows there is. They all do. 

"Wanna jam?" Adam asks, and Tommy follows when Sauli leads the way to Adam's music room. Adam has two guitars, one which Tommy chose, and he picks up that one, his favorite. They sit down on the high stools, the room's funky atmosphere soothing Tommy's nerves, the band posters making him feel like it's one of the normal nights they've had a million times before. 

He starts to play whatever comes to his mind, and Adam sings nonsense words until it becomes a song they both know. Sauli listens, then picks up on something, sings along, laughing every once in awhile because Tommy plays too high and he can't follow. It's easy, and when he's done playing he doesn't feel so agitated anymore. Music always makes him feel like home. 

"It doesn't have to be anything," Adam says suddenly, and Tommy looks up, feels that deer-in-the-headlights fear, and it's shocking how much he wants to just give in. 

Sauli puts his hand on Adam's thigh, but says nothing. 

"Yeah...?" He can't believe they're talking about this. He could've probably handled action. Booze and the heat of the moment. That could've happened. This can't happen. This calculated thing, this reality, this belonging. 

Sauli smiles. "Are we too much?"

He smiles back because that smile is way too disarming. "A little." Or a lot. He wipes his face with his hand, brushes his hair behind his ear, then buffs it up a bit because he always plays with his hair when he's nervous. 

"Sorry." The smile is wicked-sweet now. "We've talked about you. You... intrigue me."

Tommy swallows hard. He sees that in Sauli's eyes, has seen it for a while now, and he knows he's always been precious to Adam. What can he say? "How?" 

"Oh..." Sauli wasn't expecting a direct question. "You feel so good, a piece fitting perfectly. That's rare."

He looks at Adam who's stroking Sauli's arm absentmindedly. His eyes are focused on Tommy, and he knows Adam can read him. He hugs the guitar in his lap. "You can't," he whispers. "Don't do this."

Sauli gets up, approaches him carefully, then lifts Tommy's chin with three fingers. "If you want... It's okay." He touches Tommy's cheek with his lips. "It's okay."

It's not. A million reasons why it's not okay at all. Still, he leans into the touch, sighing. 

"Please. It's fine." Sauli kisses his jaw and ear, breathes with him, holds onto his neck. 

He licks his lips, looking at Adam, then he touches Sauli's shoulder, brushes it gently. He breathes light breaths, afraid of anything that might stop this, afraid that nothing might. He turns his head, nudges Sauli's jaw, and then they are kissing. It's so quiet, so careful and shy, barely a touch, barely anything at all, but it's huge. It's real. 

Tommy touches Sauli's cheek, strokes his skin, trying not to disturb the fragile balance. But he needs to touch, he needs to feel something solid under his fingertips. 

Sauli pulls back, stares at Tommy for a moment, then pulls the guitar strap over Tommy's head, and hands the guitar to Adam. When it’s gone Tommy feels naked, exposed, and he doesn't know what to do with his hands. Sauli puts his on Tommy's thighs, and it makes him gasp out loud. He feels everything so clearly. 

"You're beautiful," Sauli says close to his lips. "Beyond beautiful. Sometimes I can't believe you're real." Sauli puts weight on his hands, leans on Tommy's thighs, then licks a trail up his neck to his ear. Tommy holds onto the chair, his mind screaming at him to do something, to at least make sure that Adam doesn't mind. He can't look now. He doesn't want Sauli to stop. 

Tommy slides off the stool, not trying to get away but still, running. 

Sauli grabs his arm and says quietly, "Let it be simple. I... We don't need anything you can't give."

He hesitates, then nods because he's weak. He likes it too much. It feels too good.

They go through the before-bed-routine, brushing teeth, washing faces, changing clothes. Sauli lends him a pair of pajamas, and he just stares at the clothes, unable to swallow down the heavy feeling. 

Their bed is huge, but it's still not big enough for three people to sleep without touching each other. Sauli wouldn't have that anyway. They want him in the middle, and he does what they want because he can't deny them anything. Sauli lies on his side, staring, sliding his fingers over Tommy's jaw and cheek, his neck and collarbones and back up again. Adam lies on Tommy's right side, flipping through channels, wearing his pajama pants even though he never wears anything to bed, and Tommy can't help wondering if Adam is trying to ease the pressure. He doesn't feel pressured, though. He feels loved, and it's even worse. 

"Kaunis. Täydellinen. Lumoava," Sauli says, touching his skin from here and there, like he's punctuating the words with his fingertips. 

"Yeah, yeah," Tommy mutters, trying to ignore the fact that he's really liking the attention. 

"Thank you for staying." There's laughter and love in Sauli's eyes. "I really enjoy your company."

"Likewise." 

"This," Sauli presses his finger against Tommy's forehead, then against his own, " _thing_ can't go anywhere when we're drunk."

He shakes his head, then nods, not knowing what's expected of him. 

"But I want you if that's not clear." Sauli kisses the side of his head, his fingers brushing Tommy's jaw. "I want to kiss you. Can I?"

Tommy nods, and Sauli tilts his head closer, their lips touching briefly before Sauli says, "Fooling around isn't too irresponsible, is it?"

Tommy tries not to snort, but he has a beautiful blond leaning over him, those hands more and more eager and playful, and then Sauli is mostly on top of him, smiling like he owns the whole damn world. 

Adam turns on his side, the TV switched off, his hands hovering over Sauli's thigh and side. He doesn't say anything, but it's clear he likes what he sees. 

"He told me a secret the other day," Sauli confesses, whispering close to Tommy's ear. "He wants to see you fucking me. Would you like that?"

Tommy takes hold of Sauli's waist, his mind blank, white like a sheet, Sauli's body the only thing sharp enough to penetrate his lack of normal senses. Sauli moves on top of him, teasingly slow, and Tommy doesn't know what to say, how to speak. 

"He wants to watch you enter me, wants to hear all the sounds you can pull out of me." Sauli kisses the side of his mouth, and then breathes in the gasp Tommy lets out. 

He's hard, wanting, and he feels Adam's hand in his hair, feels the demand to open his eyes. He does, looks directly into Adam's eyes, and sees nothing but _yes, please, don't fight it_. Sauli bites his lip, thrusting against Tommy, his eyes closed now, quiet concentration on his face. He wants to flip them around, and then, out of the blue, he realizes he can. He does that, and the sound that comes out of Sauli's mouth makes him bury his face in Sauli's neck. Sauli wraps his legs around Tommy's thighs, pulls him closer, moves with him, and it's such a turn on. 

Adam slides his hand over Tommy's back, down his spine to the small of his back, holds his hand there to feel the rhythm, and Tommy is completely in the moment, not thinking, not hesitating, not wondering. He just feels what Sauli feels, listens to how he sounds, then fists his hair because he can, and when they kiss it's teeth and tongue and heat, and he wants to come. He wants to come so bad, and when it happens he doesn't hold back, doesn't try to hide how much it means to him that they are both there, how much stronger it makes everything.

Sauli pets his hair when it's over, and Adam hugs them both, pulls them close. It's so out of this world. He doesn't know what to say. 

"Let's get clean," Sauli says after a while. "I promise not to look." His voice is nothing but pure mirth, and even though Tommy tries to bite his lips to stop the laughter he can’t, and he hides his face in Sauli's neck.

"I have to warn you, though," Sauli says, his tone soft. "I’ll get attached to you... This... Tomorrow, when we’re sober, you’ll see. I take my relationships seriously.”

He knows that, and he hopes he’ll be strong enough to handle this.

When tomorrow comes it’s sunny and warm, and he never wants to get up. It’s not the hangover. It’s the fact that Adam is playing with his nipples, and he woke up to that. He can’t remember that ever happening with anyone else.

He keeps his eyes closed, feels the sun on his skin, and just enjoys the attention Adam gives him. 

Sauli is lying on his right, still asleep it seems, and Tommy wonders if Adam has noticed that he’s awake now. 

Adam has licked his fingers, and the wet tips slide easily over Tommy’s nipples, lazy, like they have all the time in the world. 

He still has the pajama pants on, but the shirt is long gone. He feels naked under Adam’s stare, feels the imperfections of his body, yet still, he’s at peace. Adam likes what he sees. It’s in his touch, in the way he breathes. Then Adam leans down and kisses the side of his mouth, and he can’t pretend anymore. 

Tommy turns his head enough so Adam kisses him properly, lips against lips, light and easy like they’ve done this always. Adam’s hand leaves his right nipple and slides down his stomach to the bulge in his pants, and Tommy’s breath hitches. He wasn’t expecting that. This is all so new. 

Adam kisses him while rubbing him through his pants, and it’s clear he knows exactly what to do to make Tommy squirm. He spreads his legs, pushes his feet against the mattress, and thrusts up with his hips in the same rhythm Adam moves his hand over his dick. 

He breathes through his nose, quick, harsh, shallow breaths that make him feel light-headed. When he’s right on the edge Adam pulls back and looks at him, stares at the uncontrolled movements of his body, stares at his swollen lips and heavy-lidded eyes. 

“What the fuck?” Tommy whispers. _Finish me off_ he wants to add, but doesn’t, just stares back, biting his teeth together. 

“Wake him up,” Adam says softly. “Please.”

Tommy tries to think, but there’s too much going on inside him. He wants. He turns on his side, watching Sauli for a moment. Then he leans down and kisses the side of his head. Sauli stirs, stretching, yawning, his eyes opening a fraction. He smiles when he recognizes Tommy. 

Adam made him want, and now he has no idea what to do. He’s shy all of a sudden. “Hi,” he says, kissing Sauli’s temple. He pulls back again to look at him, and then he can do nothing but touch. He’s hard and aching, and somehow, Sauli sees it. 

“You can do anything you want,” Sauli says quietly, holding his hand out to Adam who gives him a bottle of lube and condoms. Sauli offers them to Tommy, and when he doesn’t take them Sauli drops them on the bed and slides his fingers through Tommy’s hair. “I won’t break.”

He’s holding his breath when he sits up. He can’t take his eyes off Sauli; he’s just too pretty lying there naked, only the blanket covering parts of his body. He reaches out, touches Sauli’s side, his fingers light. Sauli keeps looking him in the eyes, staying still, quiet, like he’s afraid Tommy might stop.

Tommy takes hold of the blanket and pulls, his heart skipping beats. He can’t remember ever wanting anything this much.

He stares because he can, his eyes probably showing exactly what he feels because Sauli breaks a little and lets out a sound, a whimper.

Sauli is naked, and he’s willing, and Tommy nearly panics, but then he feels Adam’s fingers at the nape of his neck, his lips close to his ear. “He loves you.”

Those words stop his heart. He moves, slides his body over Sauli’s, his knees between Sauli’s thighs, and it’s so warm. He kisses Sauli, soft and teasing at first, then needy because the heat of their bodies messes with his mind. His fingers are in Sauli’s hair; Sauli’s nails digging into his back, and Tommy wants to get rid of his pajama pants. He wants. 

Still, they just kiss, and move, and make noises that have to affect Adam. He wants to wrap his body around Sauli. He wants to bury himself into him and never let go.

He can’t really speak when Adam grabs his hair and pulls, makes him get up. He doesn’t understand what’s happening, but then Sauli turns around, and Adam strokes his bare ass, traces his hole with two fingers, and Sauli whines into the pillow. Adam pours lube on Tommy’s palm, and he just stares at it, unable to connect anything with his stupid mind. Still, he leans against Adam’s side, lets him hold onto him when he puts one hand against the mattress for support and uses the other to make Sauli wet. 

He doesn’t want to be sloppy or bad, but he hasn’t done this before, and he wants it too much to fully realize what he’s supposed to do, but Sauli’s encouraging little noises make his head spin, and he thinks he’s doing something right. 

Two fingers in, and he wonders how he’s ever going to fit into that tight heat. Too tight, and the idea burns his mind. 

When he thinks he’s just getting started Adam takes hold of his wrist and pulls his fingers out. They look at each other in the loudest silence Tommy has ever felt, and then Adam helps him out of his pants, his fingers brushing his cock, putting the condom on, lubing him, and he buries his face in Adam’s neck, breathing in, not thinking. 

He’s so going to regret this later.

Tommy loves people who are active in bed, who feel and live and give everything, but Sauli still surprises him with his eyes, how intense his stare is when he turns to look at Tommy over his shoulder. 

He can’t help it; he has to touch, and he uses his thumb to pull Sauli’s lower lip down. Sauli licks the finger, light and quick, playful, and Tommy smiles. Yeah, he loves these two.

It’s the same as everything before, and it still isn’t. He’s never been in bed with two people, and he’s never fucked a guy. Adam was his first a long time ago, his only exception, but even then, it wasn’t Tommy who did this. 

He can’t breathe when he pushes into Sauli’s pliant body. Tommy kisses his spine, licks the sweat off his skin, then lies all the way on top of Sauli, his thighs straddling Sauli’s hips. He can’t believe it’s real, and his heart tries to break free. It’s warm and quiet, and all he wants is to be good, to feel good, to touch. He kisses Sauli’s cheek, keeps his lips there, breathing, and Sauli takes his hands and pulls them close. Sauli is boxed tight in his hold, and the thought that Sauli wants it, that this is where he wants to be makes him lose it. 

It feels too good, too tight, too perfect, and he can’t hold back the orgasm for long. 

Adam leans over him and whispers in his ear, “Don’t come just yet. I want to watch you longer.”

The words make his mind and body twist, and when he feels Adam’s hand touching his balls he whines into Sauli’s neck. “God...” 

Adam is playing dirty because his fingers are wet with lube, and he’s pushing one into Tommy’s body. He can’t concentrate on feeling and trying to hold back, and it’s torture. He can’t even form words because every time he tries to tell Adam it’s too much, Adam makes it even more. 

“You’re doing perfectly,” Adam says, two of his fingers invading Tommy’s body, moving in the same steady rhythm as he’s thrusting into Sauli. He can’t breathe, his mind shutting down. 

Then he feels Adam moving and for a brief second he thinks Adam is going to leave them. Instead, Adam moves behind him and asks, “Can I?”

Nothing registers until he feels Adam’s cock head against his hole, and he tries to think if it is okay, if he can take all this in one day, if he can handle it without freaking out. He looks at Sauli, his profile, the soft smile on his face, how good he’s making Sauli feel, and he makes a decision. “Take it slow,” he says, staying still, waiting, his heart a savage beast in his chest. 

Adam kisses his shoulder, then takes most of his weight off of them, and pushes slowly into Tommy’s body. The first push in hurts, that moment when Adam breaches his body, but after that, it gets easier, less intruding. 

He breathes with Sauli, trying to hold onto some idea of self, who he is and where he ends, but he feels too much. 

When Adam starts to move he can’t stay quiet because each push makes him move deeper into Sauli, too, and Adam finds the right angle, the right pace that bursts out stars. 

The orgasm starts from his lower back, and travels from there to every corner of his body, even his toes tingling. His fingers are laced with Sauli’s, and he pants in his ear, trying to say words. Maybe: _so good_. 

He tries to lift Sauli up to get his hand on his cock, but Sauli just whispers, “Already did,” his voice dazed and his eyes unfocused. Tommy kisses him everywhere he can reach, and just holds onto him when Adam’s hips jerk forward one last time and he groans, coming. 

Tommy holds Adam’s weight up with his forearms when Adam collapses on top of him, making sure that they don’t crush Sauli. It’s uncomfortable and sweaty, but still somehow wonderful, and he just nuzzles Sauli’s neck and lets Adam do the same to him. 

Adam pulls out of him, holding onto the condom, and then helps him off Sauli. There’s just no strength left in him after everything, and he lets Adam manhandle him. Soon, he’s lying next to Sauli who’s turned on his back, and they reach out for each other simultaneously. It makes them laugh, and Tommy feels Adam’s eyes on them. 

Adam crawls closer to them on all fours, fitting himself somewhere among their legs, and puts his hands over their stomachs. “I want this. Please make it happen.” 

Tommy knows it’s up to him now, and he has no idea if he can do this. From this, they can still walk away, but if they try a relationship they could destroy everything. 

“It wouldn’t be your fault,” Sauli says, and Tommy wonders if he said something out loud or if Sauli just knows him that well. “We love you, but you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

“What about the world? Friends? Family?” he asks, not looking at either of them. He can’t live a lie. He’s a very private person, but lying has never been a part of that. 

Adam touches his chin, turns his face. “We’ve been talking. We’d keep it a secret as long as we felt comfortable like that. After... We’d just deal with it. And friends plus family would have to know. Most of them already think we’re out of our minds. This wouldn’t change much.” Adam pauses, tracing his jaw with two fingers. “Think about it.”

He’s just lying there, his legs a little spread because Adam having been inside him still makes him feel weird. He doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t want to disappoint them, but he doesn’t want to complicate their lives either. A little late for that, though. 

“We... I think you could be happy with us,” Sauli says after a while. “You have no idea how happy you make me. To have you around, to have the right to ask you to stay... I’d love that.”

Tommy lifts their joint hands up, looks at them, how their fingers fit together, and he can’t decide which would be worse: never trying or failing at it.

“Just... stay with us for now,” Sauli says, his voice soft. “Please?”

He turns to face Sauli, and it’s a little hard because things have changed. They know each other intimately, and in many ways, it means he knows too much. He knows how Sauli feels on the inside. 

They just stare at each other, and finally Tommy smiles. “You’re crazy.”

“Because I want you?”

“Because you think you need me.”

Adam moves between them, pulls them both close, their heads resting on his shoulders, and Tommy appreciates the closeness. He knows it won’t last. 

“You’ll see,” Adam says, then makes a satisfied noise. 

And Adam is right.

He wakes up one morning, reaching out, but nobody’s there. Sauli is running, his headphones on, the machine making him do more than is humanly possible. Tommy watches his bare back, the muscles under his beautiful soft skin, and he wonders what Sauli is running from.

Because he chose to stay he now sees how wired they get sometimes, how much they drive themselves and each other forward, and how they forget to stop, how it’s easier for both of them to just go on until there’s nowhere to go but head first into a wall. 

Tommy gets up, goes to the kitchen to get some water. He tries to remember what Adam said about his schedule yesterday, but he can’t. He wasn’t listening because Sauli was distracting him. 

He goes back to the bedroom, sneaks closer to Sauli, then reaches for the controls of the treadmill. He slows the pace, makes Sauli jog lazily, then walk, time stilling. 

Sauli smiles, but says nothing. 

“I’m thinking of a morning by the pool,” Tommy says. “You, me, the book.” He’s been reading out loud to Sauli, just for the heck of it.

“Maybe later.” 

He doesn’t push, just hands the water bottle to Sauli, kisses his cheek, and then goes outside, the book in his hand. It’s a crazy story about a woman working in a secret organization that fixes things the hard way. She’s being suspected of murder, and the therapist has no idea if she’s guilty or not; if she’s just insane or if there’s more to her story. Tommy knows Sauli loves the book; that’s why he picked it. 

He sits on the edge of the pool, cross-legged. He’s looking at the blue blue sky, feeling the warmth of the sun on his face, and he loves the fact that here he doesn’t have to think about anyone seeing him. He can even take off his shirt if he feels like it. Nobody is watching.

When he hears the footsteps he can’t help the smile. Sauli sits next to him, almost touching his side, then says, “Do your magic.”

Tommy laughs, quiet, a little private, and slightly loving too. He reads, and when he starts losing his voice Sauli gives him the water bottle. 

At some point, Tommy hears the car, Adam coming home, but he doesn’t come to them. Maybe he looks at them from the bedroom window. Maybe he eats something or watches TV. Nevertheless, he lets them be, and that suits Tommy just fine.

Sauli leans his head against Tommy’s shoulder, and Tommy stops reading because there will be words. 

“I miss home,” Sauli says. “It’s ridiculous because everything’s here, but sometimes... I want nothing but to smell the autumn air, hear the wind in the tree tops. You have no idea how much I miss pine forests sometimes. So stupid. Stupidest things. Like I’m dying if I can’t smell that again. Yeah... Stupid.”

“You’re going back soon.”

“Then I’ll miss everything here. Or you. I’m missing something always.”

Tommy puts his arm around Sauli, a finger in the book to keep the page. 

“Like... I’m always in between places. I know this is my home, and it feels like home. I don’t want to be anywhere else, but I get these shadow-feelings, shadow-memories of Finland, and it hurts.” He pauses, staring ahead. “We had a boat when I was a kid, and we went to the small islands near Helsinki, and it’s so clean, and there are old ruins in some of those. My sister loved them. She invented stories, told me tales about people who lived there a long time ago. And I miss her.”

Tommy thinks they are getting closer to the real problem. 

“She’s my twin. I know she’s there. I know. She’s fine. I’m fine. Everyone is fine. But what if something happens, and I’m here. I miss her.”

He hugs Sauli, holds him as close as he can.

“Sometimes I just wish I could have everything in the same place. I know it’s selfish, and I know I’m lucky, but sometimes... just sometimes.”

“I know.”

“And you think you’re useless, you stupid man.” Sauli sniffs. “You’re so stupid.”

He nods. 

“It’s not just sex.” Sauli sounds like he’s offended. 

He knows it’s not. If it had been he would’ve never fallen in love. 

“I’m always the one talking. I want you to say something too.”

“I love you.” He says it like a question because he’s still not sure if he can say something like that. 

Sauli laughs, a soft happy sound. 

“Let’s go say hi to him,” he says after a while, and Sauli nods, standing and pulling him up, too. 

They go, and Adam is all laughs and goofy smiles and wonderful stories about his day. He’s excited and sweet, and Sauli curls up close to him, and Tommy wonders if he would’ve done that before their talk, when he was still wrapped up in his memories and sadness. He knows they talk. He knows Adam listens. But maybe sometimes Sauli feels too small compared to Adam, and he just can’t come out of hiding.

Tommy is not a threat at all. He’s small too. Physique aside, it’s the larger-than-life part of Adam that sometimes overwhelms them all. Tommy is just Tommy, and Sauli feels safe with him.

That makes him look at them in a different light. He feels important all of a sudden, and it’s the first time in years he feels like that. He matters to someone, for real. He makes a difference. 

Adam holds out his hand to him, and Tommy gets up from his armchair, smiling. He takes the hand, lets himself be pulled between them, and he laughs because it’s all good. He feels safe, too.

The End 

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my favorite things I've done in this fandom. So many people helped me. So many people participated in this process. Michira_70/@VoodooDoll70 is a superwonderful and talented artist with whom I had so much fun behind the scenes. @aislinntlc made me happy about my own words. That's a rare gift. She makes me believe. @leela_cat did an amazing job as my cheerleader, and she let me use her wonderful brain as my playground when I needed to figure out what goes where in the fic. Then somewhere in the middle I lost all hope, and my dear twitter feed reacted by offering their love and support. I want to thank everyone who came to my aid. *hugs* My wonderful pre-readers were: @Lioness0807, @SlipOutOfSight, @casey207 and of course @leela_cat.
> 
> I don't know how other people see threesome fics, but to me they are as beautiful as "normal" love stories. I love so many people, and I don't regulate my love that much. Love is love is love. So yeah, love is beautiful. 
> 
> And thank you to the wonderful mods of TJRBB. Without you guys, I probably wouldn't have written this fic. I'm glad I did.


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